Views: 1,194   Voters: 8   Comments: 4
Started by: karj on August 18, 2009

For a long time I couldn't tell you his name, but I'd try to imitate his slow, monotone voice and contrary take on otherwise common things. (I wasn't ever very good at it.) With time though, his very distinct kind of humor has become better known, and most people actually know exactly that voice, when I ask, "Have you heard of Steven Wright?" ( Edited by karj )  

Best Steven Wright Quotes and One-liners
Image posted by karj

How others are voting


washie's picks

1. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
2. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
3. When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
4. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
5. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
6. My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
7. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
why I chose these

jakerudy's picks

1. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
2. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
3. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
4. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
5. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
6. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
7. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
8. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
9. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
why I chose these

hofmeyr's picks

1. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
2. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
3. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
4. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
5. I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
6. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
7. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
8. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
9. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
10. I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
why I chose these

NotableXception's picks

1. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
2. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
3. I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
why I chose these

jewelles's picks

1. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
2. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
3. I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
4. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
5. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
6. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
7. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
8. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
9. When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
10. My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
11. I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
12. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
13. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
14. I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
why I chose these

karj's picks

1. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
2. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
3. I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
4. Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
5. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6. I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
7. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
8. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
9. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
10. What a nice night for an evening.
11. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
12. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
13. I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
14. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
15. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
16. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
17. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
18. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
19. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
20. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
21. It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
22. My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
23. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
24. When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
25. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
26. When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
27. If God dropped acid, would he see people
28. Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
29. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
why I chose these

srlong's picks

1. I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
why I chose these

Kush Patel's picks

1. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
why I chose these
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