Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners

Voters: 5   Comments: 2
Started by: Peter on September 19, 2008

Description: He "don't get no respect", but Dangerfield's pessimistic brand of comedy spawned some of the greatest one-liners. These are some of the best. ( Edited by Peter )  

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Nelson's picks

1. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
2. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" ..
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel .
4. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
5. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
See Nelson's other lists

karj's picks

1. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
2. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
3. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
4. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel .
5. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
See karj's other lists

webdesign's picks

1. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
2. I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
3. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. I went over. Nobody was home.
4. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.
5. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me....
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seiva's picks

1. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. I went over. Nobody was home.
3. I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
See seiva's other lists

Peter's picks

1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
3. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me....
4. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
5. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
8. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
9. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel .
10. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. I went over. Nobody was home.
11. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
12. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" ..
13. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
14. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
15. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
16. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
See Peter's other lists
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