Harry: [to Yuri] An Uzi? I'm not from South Central Los Angeles. I didn't come here to shoot twenty black ten year olds in a drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.

Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.

Marie: [to Ray and Harry] Why don't you both put your guns down, and go home? Harry: Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.

Ray: A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. A disproportionate amount, actually. Hervé Villechaize off of Fantasy Island. I think somebody from the Time Bandits did. I suppose they must get really sad about like... being really little and that... people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, "short arse". There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be fucked. Chlo: He doesn't like being called a midget. He prefers dwarf. Ray: This is exactly my point! People going around calling you a midget when you want to be called a dwarf. Of course you're going to blow your head off.

Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty. Jimmy: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up. Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges. Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good. Ken: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute. Jimmy: Thank you.

Ray: Bruges is a shithole. Ken: Bruges is not a shithole. Ray: Bruges is a shithole. Ken: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?

Harry's comment to his wife. (Not such a nice guy.)

Ray: I don't hit women. I would never hit a woman, Chloe. I'd hit a woman who was trying to hit me with a bottle. That's different. That's self-defense, isn't it? Or a woman who could do karate. I would never hit a woman generally, Chloe.