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Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners

He "don't get no respect", but Dangerfield's pessimistic brand of comedy spawned some of the greatest one-liners. These are some of the best.

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1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd hav...

2. I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!

3. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sl...

4. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; ...

5. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept ask...

6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, th...

7. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. ...

8. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toa...

9. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Jus...

10. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; n...

11. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a ...

12. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy joggi...

13. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the k...

14. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I wa...

15. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

16. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth cont...

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